I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need a beard to bite.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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