I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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