Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
