Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
