are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
