I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
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Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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