All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
