My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize