You just made me feel so damn special
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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