Will you blow on my dice?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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