grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
