oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
