I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
