watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
