Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
