I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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