If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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