Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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