so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this will be a night to untag.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
