I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
