I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this just has baby written all over it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
