Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
