i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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