I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
