Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
