; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
