There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
