Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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