remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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