A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
