what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
