It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
