Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
