did you get engaged???
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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