I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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