If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
