as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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