I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
