Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
