Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
