Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"