dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.