my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.