Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.