it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"