Where is the hickey?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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