my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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