You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
