just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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