dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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