I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
