my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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