So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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