did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
