Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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