they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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