Please, let me fuck your mom
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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