super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
