Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
