i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize