I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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