I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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