Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
