he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
