sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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