I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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