white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
