Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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