so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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