with your own penis?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
