i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
