the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
