she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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