the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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