i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
