can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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