Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
