Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well you can't waste a boner
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
