My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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